The Febreeze Explaination

Preface: I posted my facebook status this morning as "Wendy is going to febreeze her whole life!" I got so many questions about the meaning of my status, and ended up writing this story to explain.


Warning! Not for the easily queasy! But you asked for it!

It started yesterday with a stench coming from the kitchen sink. We all noticed it, but who had the time to wash the dishes and find the smell? I lit a candle in hopes that the beautiful scent would mask it. By the end of the day, there was no other option. I had to clean out the sink and find the source of the problem. Every dish that I took out and put in the dishwasher just made the smell worse. I finally got to the bottom, and realized the stench was coming from the drain. I think something crawled in it and died. However, about that same time, the sink got clogged, and water was starting to backup in both sinks. I had to put my hands in the nasty water to hold the drain shut while I plunged the other side. It was difficult to keep the gag reflex at bay. After what seemed like 3 hours (but was probably only 10 minutes) the dead thing dislodged, and the sinks started draining again. It took several doses of vinegar and baking soda, and some Mr. Clean with Febreeze to finish the job.

I took out the stinky paper towels to the outside garbage, and my cat came running up to me. Well she had kittens just a few days ago. She hadn't bothered to clean herself up, and she stunk worse than the kitchen sink did. I weighed my options while stifling the gag reflex again. I decided at midnight that I was going to give the cat a bath. I knew this wasn't going to go well, but wasn't prepared for the reality of it. Wet stinky cat was even worse of a smell than dry stinky cat, and I had to lock myself in a tiny bathroom with her so she wouldn't escape the bath. She kept jumping out of the water, splashing muddy stinky water all over me and the floor and everything else in there. I did my best, but cats seriously don't like baths.

So it was too cold outside to put a wet momma cat outside. I figured my only option was to blow dry her. I'm sure there was a better option, but I still can't think of it. So I found out that cats don't really like being blow dried either! She was jumping at the door, huddling behind the toilet, and anything else she could think of to get away from the air. About the time she gave up and decided to just let me finish, she pooped on the floor. Remember, I'm still locked in the bathroom with a somewhat less stinky cat, and the new smell almost pushed me over the edge. Well I cleaned that up, finished blowing her dry, and went to put her outside with her kittens.

I thought it to be a waste of a bath to put my newly cleaned cat back in the nasty stinky box that she gave birth in. I figured I should at least take out the smelly towel in the bottom. Well when I took it out, I found out that she had given birth to 8 kittens, and there were two dead ones in the box. (I found the other two dead ones the day before and got them out.) I took out the towel, kittens, both live and dead, and wiped out the bottom of the box. Mom didn't like that at all. I tried to put a new clean towel in for her, but she had the live kittens back in before I could. I gave up and put them all back outside and came back in to clean up the messes I had made.

After a thorough scrubbing of the tub, wiping of the bathroom floor, scrubbing of the carpet (where she had pooped), and disposing of icky paper towels and dead kittens, I only had a pile of nasty smelling towels to wash, and myself. By now, it's 2:00 in the morning. I really don't have the time to take a shower, so I just washed as good as I could, and changed clothes. I threw the towels in the washer, and went to bed. Even my dreams smelled bad last night! Tell me how that happens! Now I'm in desperate need of a shower and a sense-of-smell-ectomy. Oh, and a little bonfire of clothes that might never smell right again.